I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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