so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
