I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
