if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize