Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
