Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
4 words: hood of his car
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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