when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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