A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I understand Curling. That high.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
