first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
