FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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