when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We need a shit load of segways right now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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