dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
