can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
