i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
