The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
