You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
