I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize