no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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