Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
