Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
