i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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