I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Soap is not a condiment
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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