Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
