I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
