Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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