you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
