The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
