I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
