I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
