I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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