dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
