Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
