Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
