This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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