Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
