I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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