feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
that is very illegal...i love you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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