I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
