I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
