Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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