"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
