Plan B is the new Plan A
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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