It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
