I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I party with great urgency now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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