I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
