Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
