So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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