it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
