dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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