my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
