Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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