You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
