ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
