having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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