6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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