how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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