ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
