it's too hot outside to masturbate.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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