Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
