after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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