He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
