Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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