I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
