My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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