can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
