I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
