got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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