I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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