I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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