so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
