drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
