I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
