im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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