I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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