You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
