I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
