You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
