I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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