blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
